A big city lawyer went duck hunting. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked the lawyer what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and your not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer replied. "I'm one of the best trial lawyers around, and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything that you own.

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in these parts. We settle small disagreements like this, with the Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?"

The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth until someone gives up."

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly gets down from the tractor and walked up to the city fella. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin, which dropped him to his knees.

His second kick nearly ripped the nose off his face.

The lawyer was flat on his belly, when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly causing him to give up, but didn't.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said,

"Naw, I give up, You can keep the duck!"

A group of deer hunters are in camp when they realize that they are running low on provisions.

The group appointed Joe to get supplies.

Joe went into the store and bought 10 bottles of whiskey, 12 cases of beer and 2 packages of hotdogs.

When he returned to the camp the group looked in his truck and they asked, "Joe, what in the world are we gonna do with all them damn hotdogs?"

These two rednecks were hunting one day and all of a sudden one of them keels over, out like a light.

The other redneck, not knowing what to do quickly calls 911. When the operator asks "what's wrong?", He says "I don't know we were just walking along and Bubba just falls over.

The operator asks "Is he dead?" and the redneck says "I don't know that either".

The operator says "well you need to make sure!"

The redneck says okay and lays the phone down.

A few seconds pass and then the operator hears "cha click, boom!"

The redneck comes back on the line and asks "Now What?"

Morning: 1:00 AM: Alarm clock rings. 2:00 AM: Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed. 2:30 AM: Throw everything except kitchen sink into pickup. 3:00 AM: Leave for deep woods. 3:15 AM: Drive back home to pick up gun. 3:30 AM: Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight. 4:00 AM: Set up camp. Forgot the stupid tent. 4:30 AM: Head for the woods. 6:05 AM: See eight deer. 6:06 AM: Take aim and squeeze trigger. 6:07 AM: CLICK. 6:08 AM: Load gun while watching deer go over hill. 8:00 AM: Head back to camp. 9:00 AM: Still looking for camp. 10:00 AM: Realize that you don't know where camp is.

Afternoon: Fire gun for help---eat wild berries. 2:15 PM: Run out of bullets---eight deer come back. 2:20 PM: Strange feeling in stomach. 2:30 PM: Realize that you ate poison berries. 2:45 PM: Rescued. 2:55 PM: Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped, throw up instead. 3:15 PM: Arrive back at camp. 3:30 PM: Leave camp to kill deer. 4:00 PM: Return to camp for bullets. 4:01 PM: Load gun---leave camp again.

Evening: 5:00 PM: Empty gun on bug that is bugging you. 6:00 PM: Arrive at camp -- see deer grazing. 6:01 PM: Load gun. 6:02 PM: Fire gun. 6:03 PM: One dead pickup. 6:05 PM: Hunting partners arrive in camp dragging deer. 6:06 PM: Repress desire to shoot hunting partners. 6:07 PM: Fall into fire. 6:10 PM: Change clothing, throw burned ones in fire. 6:15 PM: Take pickup, leave hunting partners and deer in camp. 6:25 PM: Pickup boils over due to hole shot in block. 6:26 PM: Start walking. 6:30 PM: Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud. 6:35 PM: Meet bear. 6:36 PM: Take aim. 6:37 PM: Fire gun, blow up barrel that's plugged with mud. 6:38 PM: Mess pants. 6:39 PM: Climb tree. 11:00 PM: Bear leaves. Wrap gun around tree.

Midnight: Home at last. Fall on knees thanking Maker.

Next day: Watch football game on TV, slowly tearing up hunting license into small pieces, place in envelope, and mail to Game Warden.

A man goes hunting and gets lost in the woods.

Remembering the universal distress signal of fireing 3 shots, he fires 3 shots into the air and waits.

After an hour he fires 3 more shots. Another hour goes by and still no one comes to help.

Preparing for the next sequence he says to himself, “I hope somebody comes this time because these are my last three arrows.”

Sign seen on a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

Anyone who is mistaken for a moose and shot, is probably better off anyway.

Did you hear about the guy who went elephant hunting and ended up in the hospital? He got a hernia carrying the decoys.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."

Definition of Vegetarian: Old Indian word for bad hunter.

What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter? "Quack! Quack! Quack!"