Sign seen on a Taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."

Anyone who is mistaken for a moose and shot, is probably better off anyway.

Did you hear about the guy who went elephant hunting and ended up in the hospital? He got a hernia carrying the decoys.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."

Definition of Vegetarian: Old Indian word for bad hunter.

What did the turkey say to the turkey hunter? "Quack! Quack! Quack!"

Al and Ed are out hunting deer. Al says, "Did you see that?"

"No," said Ed.

"Well, a beautiful bald eagle just flew overhead,".

"Oh," said Ed.

A couple of minutes later, Al says, "Did you see that?"

"See what?" Ed asks.

"Are you blind? There was a big, black bear walking on that hill, over there."

"Oh."

A few minutes later the Al says: "Did you see that?"

By now, Ed is getting angry, so he says, "Yes, I did!"

And Al says: "Then why did you step in it?"

A big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him, and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel. And if he could locate the bullet hole. he would even tell them what caliber rifle was used to shoot it. This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument was going on. Then the hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on.

They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, "Spring Buck." Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .22 rifle." The others could not believe it. He was right, and the argument was even hotter than before. When some started to suggest that he must have peeked, he said that he was prepared to do it again. He would put up all the drinks they had bought before against them buying another round for him.

So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened to have in their car. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Kalahari Lion" and fingering the bullet hole said, "and the rifle was a .308," which of course was right. This, of course, was like throwing fat on the fire, and he had to prove is skills over and over again, every time against a round of drinks.

Finally he staggered home, stoned out of his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one heck of a shiner. So he said to his wife, "Listen, I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know that I did not fight anyone in that bar. So where did I get this black eye?" His wife replied angrily, "From me, of course."

"But what did I do?" he asked. She replied, "You got into bed and put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and announced in a triumphant tone: 'Skunk, killed with an axe'."

Two guys were hunting in the forest when they unexpectedly came across a very large bear. They both took off running. After a few minutes, one guy abruptly stopped running, took off his backpack, and pulled out a pair of running shoes.

The other guy saw this and was wondering what was going on. So he stopped, ran back to the first guy and asked, "Why are you putting on your running shoes? Do you really think you are going to be able to out run that bear with those?"

The other guy replied, "I don't have to out run the bear, I just have to out run you!"

One morning, a father and his young son were in the forest hunting rabbits. After about an hour, they finally came across some rabbit tracks. In between the tracks, there were these little round brown pellets, and the son said to his father, "Dad, what are those?"

The father replied, "Those are smart pills. Try a couple." So the kid grabbed a couple of them and put them in his mouth. The boy made a funny face and said to his dad, "Ewww! Yuk! They taste like s---."

The father replied, "See, you're getting smarter already."

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal complainer who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.

The complainer watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded the complainer. "He can't swim."